Bipolarity.

Things happen for a reason, and i guess thats exactly why this happened. I was sorry, sorry for all the things I did to you. I want you back in my life, but all you knew was how much freedom you have been deprived, how many things you couldnt do. This ain't love, if you did love me you wouldnt have mind all these things, maybe this is wishful thinking, but you wouldn't have mind it if you loved me wholeheartedly. What we had was so beautiful, and yet you are telling me at 19 this is not a r/s others are living. Of course it isn't, its the best love in the world. No one can beat that. I wish you listened to taylor swift's Back To December and realize what a grave mistake you made. There, you can have your freedom now. Clubs, going out no one is ever going to stop you now. Its sad how warped your thinking is. All you think about is why I didnt go look you up. YOU EXPECT IT TO BE FUCKING EASY? EASY TO GET OVER WHAT U DID WHEN I WENT OVER TO MADE IT UP TO YOU THE LAST TIME ROUND. I CHOSE NOT TO OVERCOME MY FEARS. HOW THE FUCK CAN U SAY THIS. They are fears for a reason, but you are so selfish you wont see it. I wished you came over to, but did you? NO. But I didnt say anything because I know its too much to ask for. Being in a r/s has to be a mutual thing, and this feels nothing like it. The manner you ignored me, the manner you didnt ignore me only made me conclude that breaking up is the best for us. I hate how I always blog only when times are bad. Im sorry but I need to rant. Plus this is somewhere no one would see it, not even you. I hate this, i need to pick myself up and together. I smashed that photo above my bed, its over. I loved you way more than you ever realise or you ever did. The only sweet memories about us would only be the trip to thailand. I miss those times, but it'll never come back. I wish you well in everything you do. Farewell

Your actions really baffles me, a lot. Yesterday you wont even talk to me, wont even wanna let me accompany you to your training. And today, gosh, you started to smoke? Adding to that, you just keep texting all day with whoever, I dont know but it seems to me that you wanna prove a point to me. Which apparently I dont get. How do you want me to feel? Jealous? That you have someone to text and I dont? That you're the only person I have to text? I do feel tempted to want to know who you are texting and why is there so much, but I wont because I know I can't. As for smoking, i was really bewildered man. You're a god damn girl. I dont know how you want others to see you but seriously, what good does it do you? I'm a fan of it so perhaps I have no say in this but for fuck sake how long have u stopped and picking it up now? When YOG is like just months away? Wish you had a brain that starts working. And then asking me if i still love you, texting me all that concern stuff? You really confuse me. Its like it forever and ever depends on you, even when we are over. I text you, you don't reply. And when I replied u, u ask if i don't have anything to say to you. I really want to know what do you wanna do with me man. Just push me around as you like? I love you and I miss you. But not this you, definitely. Just hope everything would be okay. And obviously drumming helps. A HELL LOT :) November rain was a blast man. Fucking mastered it alreadyyyyyy! Wooo can't wait for jamming this weekend.

CALL HER BLUFF.

Tuesdays wont be the same anymore with you. No more having dinner together, no more having someone accompanying me to drums. No more sharing your Psp. So many things that seems so unimportant and natural before suddenly hit me in the face. Its all gone now, and I can sense that its for real this time. Nothings ever gonna be the same again... Not Monday, not Wednesday, not Thursday not a single fucking day gonna be the same. Last week this time, we were better. Not perfect but better. Those meals that we used to have so often now seems so distant. I can barely even talked to you now. How i wished the past year we shared could remain still, like how I wished love alone was enough. Time and time again, its proven me otherwise. I've been such a fucking idiot dolt hole dumb ass, taking you for granted time and time again. Taking care of my ego more than even taking care of you perhaps. And its too late to try to make things right now. I had everything i could wished for but now, I only have myself. Reading your cards will always hurt, seeing our photos will also tear. That tench of ache will always be there, no matter how long its over between us. Forever was a promise that we both could not keep, I used to blame it on you only. But i know now thats not the case. I AM THE FUCKING CASE. This is gone and I cant see it. I don't know how to behave seeing you in school, i dont know how to talk to you, I dont know how to just be friends with you. But I wish I could, then at least I know you are still in my life, no matter how minimal it is. I have loved you, and still do. I don't know how am I gonna live it down now. But I guess I have to. I just hope you'll be at least better with this breakup, then at least its gonna make it all worth it. At least you have snoopy to help you through, I guess i'm never ever gonna see him again.

I wish we could get stuck on that cable car back then.

goodbye to you, I wished i could hear you call me benoppy again. I really do.

I miss us, i miss stayovers, i miss waking up beside you, i miss you coming over to my house surprising me, i miss going over to your house early in the morning, i miss waiting for u at dover, i miss constantly reporting to you, i miss our endless conversations, i miss eating with your family, i miss staying at your house till 1050, i miss your constantly dozing off beside me on the train, i miss your bad temper, i miss holding your hand proudly, i miss being ourselves infront of our classmates, i miss how we would always make up after quarrels, i miss jurong point, i miss telling you every single detail of my everyday life, i miss sending you to vollyball,i miss our long and sweet goodnight messages, i miss hugging you so fucking tightly, i miss how we would sing crazily together, i miss how we would do the stupidest of things together, i miss seeing you every single/other day, i miss walking you home, i miss celebrating our anniversaries at fei cui, i miss how we would dift away and talk about marissa, and lastly, i miss you...

Wish you could be me for alil while, Period.

I couldnt even get past one day without talking to you. I am missing u so much to the point that i could just sit there for hours staring into the fucking space(like during that bullshit 2 hours of being alone). Last night was for sure a darn rough night. I cried the shit, eyes and lungs out, I never thought I could cry so damn much. Its tormenting not being able to make things right, and after we hung up, all I could think about was everything that we been through before. LITERALLY. From the sending u to Hougang for training for the very first time, sitting on the ground near your house, laughing over every single thing, bickering constantly with each other to the time where you broke the news to me that changed everything about us. Of course the list goes and on... but the point is however good or bad, I miss those times, immensely. I miss you, I miss us. I dont remember when you not calling me when u wake up in the mornings but this what exactly what happened. These are things that are slowly creeping away from me and I hated that. That was why i went to look you up just now. And im glad things didnt turn out bad. I just hope we'll talk over it later. Baby no matter what, I truely wished things would go back to before because whatever it is. I miss everything about you. Please girl stay, oh sugar...